Pt.2: The Rebrand: How I’m Learning to Give My Best by Protecting My Peace
So here’s what happened after I realized I was over-drafting my entire life:
I made a decision.
Not a dramatic, burn-it-all-down, delete-everyone’s-number kind of decision.
But a quiet, firm, “I’m done living like this” kind of decision.
I decided that if I was going to keep showing up in this world as Queenie Love, the person who makes people feel seen, valued, and celebrated, I had to start showing up for myself first.
Because the truth is, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
And mine? Mine was bone dry.
What “Choosing Yourself First” Actually Looks Like
Let me be real with you: this isn’t some Instagram-worthy, perfectly executed self-care routine.
It’s messy. It’s uncomfortable. And some days, it feels hard.
But here’s what it looks like in practice:
It looks like me saying no. Just no. Not “maybe next time,” not “let me see,” but a clean, clear no.
It looks like me saying, “Maybe not this time, but keep me in mind for the next opportunity.”
Because I’m not closing the door forever, I’m just not walking through it right now.
It looks like me choosing not to respond to every single text, every update, every play-by-play of someone’s day.
And being okay with that.
It looks like me not giving into the pressure of contributing, supporting, showing up, or taking care of every single thing and every single person.
I’ve started doing this with family.
I’m doing it with events.
I’m doing it with friends.
And it’s not easy. But I’m doing it.
Because here’s the thing: I’ve already paid my debt.
I’ve been the person who shows up, who gives, who supports, who saves for at least 35–40 years.
So what else do I owe?
The answer? Nothing. Not a damn thing.
What I do owe is something to myself.
And for the rest of my life, there need to be checks and balances. I need to save something for me.
Handling the Guilt (Because It’s Real)
Now, let me tell you — the guilt still comes up.
Oh, it shows up loud and clear.
That little voice that says, “But they need you. But what if they’re disappointed? But what if they think you don’t care?”
Yeah. That voice is still there.
But here’s what I do now: I talk to myself.
I validate my own choices. I remind myself why I’m doing this.
I literally have conversations with myself like, “Queenie, you’re tired. And you shouldn’t have to get to the point of exhaustion just to give yourself permission to say no.”
Because if I don’t do that, if I don’t actively talk myself through it, I’ll give in.
I’ll swoop in like the savior, thinking I need to help, to save, to contribute, to be there for everyone.
But I’m learning: I don’t have to be the savior.
I can just be me.
And me can say no. Me can take a break. Me can choose peace.
Selfish vs. Self-Preservation (Let’s Clear This Up)
Look, I know some people might read this and think, “Oh, she’s changing. She’s being selfish. She’s distant now.”
Let me be clear: There is a difference between being selfish and practicing self-preservation.
Selfish is taking without regard for others.
Self-preservation is protecting yourself so you can show up for others, but in a way that’s sustainable.
Selfish is hoarding your energy and resources out of greed.
Self-preservation is setting boundaries so you don’t run yourself into the ground.
Selfish is “I don’t care about you.”
Self-preservation is “I care about you, but I also care about me.”
And let me tell you something else: I speak boldly and loudly about what I’ve already done.
I’ve given. I’ve shown up. I’ve supported. I’ve loved hard.
Now? I need to save something for myself.
And that’s not selfish — that’s survival.
You’re Still Gonna Get My Love (Just the Best Version of It)
Now, before anyone gets it twisted, let me make something very clear:
You’re still gonna get my love.
When you step into my orbit, you’re gonna experience a love like no other.
I’m still gonna show up. I’m still gonna see you. I’m still gonna make you feel like you matter, because you do.
But here’s the difference: you’re gonna get the best version of that love now.
Not the burnt-out, resentful, running-on-fumes version.
The real, authentic, fully-present version.
You’re gonna know it’s love when I’m dead in your face telling you the truth, even when it’s hard to hear.
You’re gonna know it’s love when I welcome you in, when I celebrate you, when I hold space for you.
Because love, to me, is an action.
It’s not just what I say, it’s what I do. It’s how I show up for you. It’s how I make you feel because you matter to me.
But and this is important, that love has to be measured when it comes to me extending my physical, financial, and emotional self.
Because if I give all of that away to everyone, all the time, I won’t have anything left to give.
Not to you, not to the people I love most, and definitely not to myself.
So yes, you’re still gonna get my love.
You’re just gonna get the version of me that’s not running on empty.
And trust me, that’s the version you want.
The New Math: Stop Giving 90% and Keeping 10%
You know how in church, they teach you to tithe, to give 10% of what you earn back to charity, back to the church, back to something bigger than yourself?
That’s beautiful. I respect it.
But here’s what I realized: I’ve been doing the math backwards my whole life.
I’ve been giving 90% of myself away and keeping 10% for me.
Maybe less.
And you know what happens when you live like that?
You burn out. You overdraft. You lose yourself.
So I’m flipping the script.
I’m learning that sometimes, no, most times, I need to keep more than 10% for myself.
Because if I don’t, there’s nothing left.
Not for my writing. Not for my storytelling. Not for my creativity. Not for my peace. Not for my joy.
And if there’s nothing left for those things, then what’s the point?
The Takeaway: Take a Step Forward
If you’re reading this and you see yourself in my story, if you’re tired of overextending, over-giving, and over-committing, I want you to know something:
It’s okay to feel how you feel.
It’s okay to be tired.
It’s okay to want to pull back.
It’s okay to say no.
It’s okay to choose yourself.
I see you. I’ve been there. I am there.
And I’m telling you: take a step forward.
Not a giant leap. Not a dramatic exit.
Just one step. One boundary. One “no.” One moment where you choose you.
And then take another step. And another.
Because the more steps you take forward, the further you get from the old version of yourself, the one who was running on empty, trying to be everything to everyone, and losing yourself in the process.
You don’t have to wait until you’re 50 like me.
You can start now.
But if you do wait until 50? That’s okay too.
Because it’s never too late to choose yourself.
It’s never too late to stop overdrafting.
It’s never too late to say, “I’ve paid my debt. Now I’m saving something for me.”
So here’s to the rebrand.
Here’s to protecting our peace.
Here’s to giving our best by keeping something for ourselves.
Here’s to finally, finally, choosing us.
This is My Stuff Too! Come back for Pt 3.
I have a little more to share! Self-Discovery is the real COME UP!
